Pretty sucky

I updated my blog and then clicked the wrong button and everything went away. Guess what... I don't feel like doing it again right now. So you will have to wait.

I DO WANT TO INVITE ANYONE AND EVERYONE TO A BENEFIT SILENT AUCTION AND BBQ THAT A FRIEND HAS ORGANIZED FOR US. I FEEL SO BLESSED AND AM THANKFUL TO EVERYONE. IT WILL BE SO NICE TO SEE EVERYONE THAT HAS KEPT MY FAMILY AND ME IN THEIR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS DURING THAT PAST SEVERAL MONTHS.

PLEASE JOIN US SATURDAY AUGUST 21ST FROM 4:00 PM TO 8:00 PM AT EASTPOINT CHURCH. IT IS THE OLD K-MART ON SPRAGUE AND SULLIVAN NEXT TO YOKES.

A week from now...

A week from now I will be done with treatment. Oh how happy I will be. I am yet again in a rough patch. It hurts so bad to eat that I am sure I am dehydrated/mal-nourished again. I am trying my hardest to push things down but it hurts SO BAD. I can't even describe how it feels. I have 2 more regular treatments and then possibly 3 "boost" treatments. Boost treatments will be easier on me because they are to a more specific area rather than what they have been treating. I am also having issues with my energy level and breathing again. I see the doctor tomorrow and my other oncologist on Thursday.

We made it camping this last weekend (4th of July). It was pretty fun. I have been needing to get out of town. We went with another family and despite the yucky weather we were not expecting, we all had a pretty good time! Zander caught his first fish too! And second and third. Frank is COVERED in mosquito bites. They were horrible there!

Irelynn has finally cut her first teeth. Her top two front teeth and it looks like her fangs are not far behind. She is doing so much and we are very proud of her.

Thank you to everyone again for everything. We are happy to be ending this journey and hope to get back to "normal" very soon. Hopefully this will be the end of this journey forever. I still have a fear of the cancer coming back. I will live each day for what it is and worry about the cancer coming back IF it does.

7 down~10 to go!

Today was my 7th radiation treatment. I have 10 more with the possibility of 3 at a lower dose and to a more specific area. I am feeling okay. I have so much more energy than I had a month ago. The radiation is hurting my throat area. It hurts really bad to eat. I have to take really small bites and chew it up really good and it still hurts. I have recovered from all my illnesses. My lungs are back to normal. NO PERMANENT DAMAGE! I am still on oxygen at night, but only because it wasn't my lung doctor that put me on it. It was my oncologist and I don't see him again for a few weeks. I keep taking it off in the middle of the night and I am still alive so I think I will be okay without it.

We signed Zander up for soccer. He starts in August. I asked him if he wanted to play soccer and he said "YEAH! I want to have a number 1 on my back!" It was pretty cute. We got him some cleats and everything. I am excited to get him on a team. I can't wait until he can start baseball, but I think we are a couple years away from that. He is done with swimming lessons. They were a short thing. I missed most of it because I was in the hospital for the first one and too sick to go to the rest. I tried, but it was too much for me.

Irelynn is doing well. Crawling all over the place and getting into everything. The other day Frank was leaving for work and she said "bye daddy". She is picking up so much. She had her 18 month well child last week and her pediatrician is impressed with all she is doing and saying. She says mama, daddy, hi and bye bye. She tries to say doggy and baby. She is also starting to pull herself up on furniture.

Frank too is doing well. He is still a great husband and daddy and I am SOOOOO lucky to have found him. He still has his days though...

Cabin fever has set in pretty bad. I need to get out of town. We are hoping to go camping sometime soon. Maybe towards the end of July. We will have to see.

My friend Kim is here from Vegas. We have had lots of fun so far and I am sure there is more to come. We had a little reunion of some of our high school friends and are doing a BBQ on Thursday to meet each others kids.

I am getting excited to head to Vegas too, but have 4 more months until that happens. It will be here soon enough. I hope.

I will update you all again soon. Thank you to everyone for thinking and praying for us during this difficult time. We really do appreciate it.

Getting better?

So from what I can tell I am healing nicely from my Pneumonia, Blood Clot and Bleomyacin Toxicity. I am still supposed to take it easy for the next month but I am getting up and around A LOT more. I get very tired very easily and am still pretty slow. I started driving this week. I have driven more in the last week than I did the entire month before this week. I have had something every day this week and it is the same way next week.

I had a nice 32nd birthday. We went to dinner with my mom and the kids on my birthday and then Saturday Frank and I went out to dinner on our own. It was nice and I even had a drink! That is a rare thing when I am healthy but after the month I had I figured I deserved one!

So yesterday I went in for my radiation simulation. Tomorrow I go in and finish it. They will give me "tattoos" that they will use to know where to set me up for the radiation. Then I start radiation on MONDAY! That is one week earlier than my goal! I also had expected to have to do 6 weeks of radiation and I only have to do 3 1/2 to 4 weeks. This means that one month from now this should all be behind me! I will still have lots of appts and scans I am sure, but for the most part I will be DONE! We can get on with our lives! I am hoping that it won't take me long to regain my strength and I can get back to work by July 31st. Maybe sooner! I am very excited to get back to work. It is a huge stress to not be working. I love being around my kids more. It is making up for the fact that I am not "taking care" of them. At least I get to be around them more.

Zander had his last day of pre school today. He will be in Pre K in the fall at St. Al's. They have been wonderful to us, especially in the past few months. His previous teachers from his pre preschool class invited him back today for a graduation. They had little graduation caps and he got a diploma. He hasn't been in that class for a few months now, but I think Miss Brittanie and Miss Amanda always had a special place in their hearts for Zander. It was very kind of them to invite us to their graduation party.

I will try to update you and let you know how the radiation goes. It has just been so crazy with all my appts the past couple weeks and like I said, next week is no different.

Thank you everyone!

Another set back

Just a quick note to let people know of my latest hurdle. I got a call on Wednesday from my doctor and from my CT Scans and PET scans on Tuesday, they found that I have a blood clot in my lung. I am now doing blood thinning shots in my stomach every day to break it up. Not sure how long I will have to do them. Have I told anyone that I can't wait for this to be OVER! It has been a somewhat depressing week. Just one thing after another and then not being "allowed" to work but also not being able to take care of my kids. It is tough. I am hoping in the next week or 2 I can take care of my kids on my own again, but then what happens when I start radiation and have to go EVERY DAY.

On a positive note I am excited that my friend Kim is making a trip up from Vegas to visit me. I am so VERY excited. I have not seen her in over a year and it will be a much needed visit. She doesn't care what I look like. Which I look like a Chia Pet right now.

I am thinking about shaving my head again because I think my hair will be growing back for good since I'm not going through chemo anymore. That way it can all grow back even.

Thank you to the Indian Trail Yokes for the yummy turkey dinner you brought us. I can't wait for dinner! You guys (along with many many many people) have been so very kind and we appreciate it!

Thank you!

Just wanted to give everyone a little update. I don't have much to report. I am home from the hospital, thank goodness. So much of that stay is a blur. I barely remember who all came to see me. So thank you to those of you that did. I appreciate it. I am home on my own today with the kids. That is tough when you are not used to it. I don't think I have been alone with both my kids in a few months. Zander is somewhat of a helper and somewhat of a 3 year old. overall he is doing pretty good though.

I forgot to mention that I had to have a blood transfusion while I was in the hospital. That was kind of scary for me. Just thinking about what could happen. But it was needed. I was low on blood. I also had my blood drawn probably 40 or 50 times. I have so many bruises on my arms. And they had to check my blood oxygen! That hurt like such a bad word! They take that blood from an artery instead of a vein. As of right now I am not "allowed" to work. Doctor's orders. I have an appt tomorrow and I am hoping for some answers. Maybe a name for what I have. Besides the Pneumonia.

I also want to share a nice story. I shared on facebook, so sorry to those of you that are hearing this again. The day I came home from the hospital, I was sitting out on the porch swing and a lady that lives across the street and down a couple houses came over. We have never met this lady. Her husband plows the street in the winter but we really haven't met him either. Well she comes up to the gate and she said she had something for me. I walked out there and she said she could tell we were going through some tough times and wanted to give us a little something. I told her that I had Hodgkin's lymphoma and she handed me $100! What a nice lady! I wish I could bake. I wish I had the energy to bake to take her something. We have had a lot of generosity come our way and we appreciate every single bit of it. From the meals to just having someone to talk to. In my opinion, this neighbor went above and beyond. I just wanted to share this little story. As much as I talk bad about our neighborhood, there are still those "good" neighbors out there!

oh what a...MONTH!

No pictures today and probably won't type too much. I am on the laptop and I hate typing on this, but figured I needed to let everyone know what was going on. I will tell you to the best of my ability.

So I battled that stupid cold for 3 weeks and FINALLY started to feel better just in time to have Chemo again. That Chemo went okay and for the first few days I actually felt okay. Then that Saturday I started getting sick. I couldn't keep ANYTHING down. I thought I was doing really well with drinking my water, but I wasn't doing good enough. So last week (the 6th and 7th?) I went back to my oncologist and they put me on IV fluids. I was still very very very weak. I seriously did nothing but lay on the couch or in my bed. I just couldn't beat it. So Sunday afternoon (Mother's Day) Frank brought me into the ER. They ended up admitting me and here I sit. A week later.

My port has slipped, which my be why I have been getting sick, but who knows. One of the Chemo drugs has caused lung damage. I am currently on oxygen. I will no longer have Chemo, I have to do the rest of my treatment by doing radiation. I don't know how I feel about this. I know it will make me VERY tired. But I don't think it will make me sick. Who knows. I am sure I will find out more soon. I wonder if my hair will grow back... I wonder, I wonder, I wonder. So many questions.

just a quick "funny" Zander story... He and I got home one day and he picked up a rock and was playing with it. We went inside and I was going to lay on the couch and he was laying on the love seat and we were going to take a nap. After laying there for about 20 minutes, Zander pops his head up and said "mommy, my rock is in my nose!" so off to the ER with Zander. As we were sitting there he sneezed 3 times and sneezed it out! He was pretty excited that he "Achooed and got it out all by himself"

Well hopefully there aren't alot of errors here, my dinner is served and I am going to try and eat. Everyone have a wonderful evening or whatever it is when you read this, and I will update you as I know more!

It's all down hill from here? I sure hope so. I have finally hit the half way point. Six down, six to go. I am thankful to FINALLY be over my cold too. THREE WEEKS it lasted. Finally went away on Wednesday. Just in time to feel like crap from Chemo. Lost my voice for 3 to 4 days. That was fun. Doctors are very happy with how I am responding, but not happy with my nausea issues. They have actually gotten better once I get home, but as far as during chemo, I am still getting sick. They got me a new nausea med. It is actually a patch that I will put behind my ear and change every 3 days. I haven't picked it up yet so don't know how well it works.

For this Chemo I am once again very tired. I try to listen to my body as much as possible and sleep quite a bit. I feel sick but haven't gotten sick. Today is the day that I have no taste. Everything is just blah. Not that I have eaten much. I have been craving salad a lot! I don't really know why, but for the last couple weeks it's all I want. I don't think it's hurting anything though. Not much of an appetite lately either. Hopefully I will get to buy a new wardrobe when this is all over! The scale says I have lost about 15 lbs, but I don't see it :(

I talk a lot about the kids and how they are doing. I really need to talk about Frank. From the looks of it he is still holding up pretty well. I have been pretty emotional the last month or so and he is doing a good job of keeping me going. I feel so bad for him and I really appreciate everything he is doing. He is such a good dad. EVERY night after work he is outside playing with Zander. No matter what. Last weekend I wasn't feeling well and didn't sleep well and was feeling bad that we don't get out much so I suggested that he and Zander go to Riverfront park and play. We have season passes. Well he took Zander AND Irelynn so I could rest. I took a 4 hour nap I think. He came home and took them out to his grandparents house. That got to be a bit much for me and I missed them! So thank you Frank for all you do. You are the best husband and I promise next summer we will go camping or take the boat out or go to a Mariners game EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND!

I also need to thank my mom for all she is doing. There are days (like today) where I can't get off the couch. And she does a great job of taking care of Irelynn and keeping the house clean and the laundry done. I haven't cleaned or done laundry in a LONG time! So thanks mom!

And of course onto the kids... I finally broke down and got Zander's hair cut. His cute little mullet is gone. I was joking with him before we left about getting his hair cut like mine and he kept saying no. Well we got there and he climbed up on the horse and said "I want it cut like mommy's" It was pretty cute. So he pretty much got the same haircut as me, but he has a little more hair than me ;)

Irelynn is "crawling" all over the place. She chases Zander around the house and "tackles" him. Her OT said she has never seen a kid with DS crawl like Irelynn does, but also said she will be crawling "correctly" very soon. I love the way Irelynn looks at Zander. She just adores him. And his is so good with her too. Today he was playing and he took a break to go over and give her a kiss. It was so sweet!

We had a great time volunteering at the penny drive for Irelynn's school and thank you to everyone who donated. I can't believe we made it at all and especially that we made it for the few hours that we did. I was still fighting that darn cold, but we made it. It is such a good feeling to be out there and it is so wonderful to see all the people supporting the Spokane Guilds School!

I once again need to start off by saying I AM SOOOOO SORRY! I never intended for it to take me more than a week to post. I have just been really really really really sick and the computer has been the last place I want to be! I have been fighting this "cold" for over 2 weeks now and I think adding Chemo to the mix was just too much for me.

So I am sure everyone wants to know... I am responding well to them Chemo. My original PET Scan put me at a Stage II. If this last PET Scan were my first I would only be a Stage I. The cancer went from being in 4 areas to just 1! I wish it had come back clear, but am very content with the results. It also showed I had swollen lymph nodes meaning I am fighting an infection. The only thing the doctor could think of was Strep. I thought for sure I had Bronchitis again, but she said I sounded good. She couldn't test me for strep (I would have to go to my primary for that) and she was putting me on antibiotics anyways because of what the PET scan showed. After 5 days of antibiotics I was not getting ANY better and possibly getting worse and I could no longer keep the antibiotics down. I called and let them know what was going on yesterday and they made me come in so I could get some IV fluids. They also sent me for a Chest X-ray. I go back on Friday and depending on how I am doing and what the Chest X-ray shows I may have a CT scan. I am feeling SO MUCH better today though. Still not 100% and my voice is gone, but I feel okay!

We got the kids a swing set and they are loving it. Irelynn got her own little pink baby swing. I put her in it the other day and she was giggling. She is also VERY mobile and into everything! I give her her little box of toys and she crawls over to the plug in. Why do we spend money on toys?

You would think after a week I would have more to post, but I don't. Sorry. Thank you again to everyone for your support. I am still planning on getting some thank you cards but haven't. Hopefully soon and hopefully you all know how grateful I am for everything!

Here are a couple pics of the kids. This is how Irelynn sits in her high chair. No matter what. She ends up this way. And this is Zander sleeping a few weeks ago. I was getting ready for work and he was half off the couch. He refuses to wear jammies lately. He only wants to wear the pants.

We are home from Seattle and had a nice quiet vacation. We kind of wish we had more time to visit, but it just wasn't in the plans. The Mariners lost, but we were there to see them lose and that's what matters. Zander was so excited the whole time. Even a few days before we left he kept asking if we were leaving to go on vacation and when are we going to the mariners game. Then even being there he kept asking "when are we going to Seattle". I guess technically we weren't in Seattle when we were at our hotel. We were in Renton. The weather was decent for the game. It was dry at least. I didn't have to put my warm coat on until the 7th inning stretch! Irelynn fell asleep in the 4th inning and Zander wasn't too far behind her.

I am STILL battling this cold and it is getting VERY OLD! It has been over a week! My voice was in and out yesterday and I now have a cold. I am wondering if I have bronchitis again. I will find out tomorrow when I go to the doctor. I haven't been as "anxious" this time. I guess since I have been having so much fun with my family. I really don't want to have Chemo tomorrow. I just dread it. I can't wait for August when this is all behind me. I hate wishing my life away, but since the alternative is this... then I will wish the next few months away! I hate the way I feel afterwords. I hate being sick. I hate not being able to take care of my kids. I hate hurting. I hate being so tired that I am barely around my family. And I don't have a cool fraction to use this time. I will be 5/12 of the way done. That's no fun :(

Irelynn is not the traveler we need her to be. We have barely traveled since she has been born. With all her medical issues last summer, we were stuck at home. We went to opening day when she was 4 months old, to the Tri Cities when she was 6 months old and to Portland and the coast when she was 7 months old. That is when Frank got laid off also. So no more fun for us! She did pretty good on the way to Seattle, but on the way home, she started crying in Moses Lake. I told Frank "watch, she will fall asleep right as we get to Spokane". Well we got to Cheney and she was still crying. Frank said guess she isn't going to sleep. But then... just as we got to the top of the hill over looking Spokane, she was out. We probably won't do too much traveling this year either. At least not until August. We will see though.

I think that is all I have for tonight. I h0pe you all have a nice week. I will try and get on here in the next couple days to let you know the results of my PET scan that I had last week. I get the results tomorrow at 1:00. Wish me luck!

Thank you everyone!

Good evening to everyone. I wanted to post last night but the laptop wouldn't work down in the basement. That is where I was stuck because I had a PET scan yesterday and couldn't be around my kids for 24 hours! That was tough! I got a quick hug and kiss from each of them when I got home from the doctor at about 3:30 but then it was off to the dungeon.

I didn't get any results from the PET scan. I will find out at my appt before my next Chemo on Wednesday. I wish it would come back clean and they would say "You are fine and don't need to do any more chemo, Oh and the cancer will NEVER return" But I am pretty sure that won't be what happens. I am positive it will come back better than the first one, but I will still have to do my last 8 chemos. And I think one of my biggest fears is this coming back after I go through all of this. Cancer and Chemo SUCK! I am miserable and I feel like the worst mom and wife in the entire world! Just to share that with you.

I have what the doctor called "associated nausea". I am finding so many smells mainly that get to me and make me sick. They are working on getting my insurance to approve some stronger nausea pills. My latest (sorry Dad) is the new car air freshener. My dad has that in his car and he has taken me to my last two chemo appts. Well Frank took my car to work on Tuesday and got the oil changed and they cleaned my car so he got me a new air freshener. He knows of some of my issues with smells and thought the new car one would be safe. It wasn't... Also as I drive up to the doctors office I get nauseous. It is so lovely. Haven't had any issues with foods yet.

We are for the most part ready for our trip. A little bit more to pack. Hopefully by 10 or 11 on Sunday we will be heading to Seattle!

Frank and I snuck out tonight for a late anniversary dinner. I didn't feel much like going out last weekend so we went tonight. We went to Outback. It was nice not having the kids, or Zander throwing a fit through dinner. I missed him the entire time because of that.

I also want to give a shout out to my nephew Cody, who probably won't read this. Cody is 16 and has achieved his lifetime dream (seriously) of being a race car driver. He had his first race out at State Line speedway last night. Because of my scan yesterday we were not able to go. We are hoping to make it soon. From what I hear, he was doing well until someone clipped him in turn four and sent him into the wall. At a very high rate of speed. He was able to walk away and they are working on getting him a new car. Way to go Code! We have a little present for you when we see you next!

I have been battling a cold and am going to go take some NyQuil and go to bed. I have also been battling sleep. I would do anything for a decent nights sleep. Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Have a nice weekend if you don't hear from me again!

I hope everyone had a nice Easter. We did. Well we did our best. I have had a lot of side effects of Chemo this time and haven't been feeling the worst, but at the same time haven't been feeling too great. I actually got sick DURING chemo this time. That was a first. I think a lot of it is in my head, but at the same time I know it isn't. Even pulling up to the place makes me feel sick. I am officially bald now. I did it last Friday. Or Frank did. It was time. And my hair is growing back too. I am sure I will end up losing what has grown back.

Yesterday was our 6th anniversary. We didn't do anything except go shopping for Easter stuff. Oh what a date! So my new countdown is OPENING DAY! Next week at this time, we will be in our hotel in Seattle!

I have a PET scan on Wednesday. I am hoping for great results (which I won't get back for at least a week). The PET scans are nice, but I can't be around my kids the rest of the day, and that sucks. I miss them already with as little as I "feel like" caring for them. Even if I get good results I have to finish my last 8 chemos. I am now 1/3 of the way done. No neat fractions for a while. Not until I am 1/2 way I guess. Sorry so random. It will all end soon seeing as I want to go to bed.

Thank you to my sister Kimberly who came to town from Portland to see us for Easter. The house has been full, but fun.

What else... Zander just dropped a jar of jelly on his toe. I feel SOOOOO bad for him :( My poor little man. His toe instantly turned black, but is looking better now. Now he just fell asleep, sitting up on the couch. I really need to share some of his sleeping pics with you all!

Once again, I am sorry for being random. I will go to bed now.

I am so sorry that you all had to wait so long for an update. I give small updates as needed on facebook, but I know a lot of you aren't on facebook and I am sorry. This Chemo was kind of in the middle of the first two. Not as bad as the first one, but not as "good" as the second one. I have been sick to my stomach almost every day since then and VERY VERY VERY tired. I have slept quite a bit more in the last week than I usually do.

My hair is coming out in clumps. I just laid on the couch Friday and Saturday after Chemo and didn't even take a shower. So Sunday when I finally felt up to taking one it was very traumatizing. And my husband was not very sympathetic. He learned quickly that it was the wrong time to give me an attitude. So needless to say I told him it was time to shave my head. I think it was too hard on him to do and that must be why he gave me an attitude. So we went out to my dads for my step mom to help me out. This isn't something I wanted to do in public nor have an audience for. Well I guess I chickened out once again, because we just ended up cutting it REALLY SHORT! I have no choice now. It will be gone by tomorrow. I desperately need to deep clean my house but there is no point in doing it until my hair is gone. It is ALL OVER THE PLACE!

I also learned of a website from Irelynn's Occupational Therapist. She wasn't gone half an hour and I had gone on and ordered two scarves and two... WIGS! Yep one is short and blonde and the other is really long straight hair and I think it will be kind of a strawberry blondish brown. The scarf is Pink and the other thing is actually kind of line a beanie and it too is PINK! I hope I wear the wigs enough to get my moneys worth at least. My wrap that I was given was shipped yesterday. So I should have it sometime next week hopefully.

Our trip to Seattle is quickly approaching. We are staying at the Holiday Inn in Renton. We will get to town on Sunday the 11th probably not until at least 1 or so. We are hoping to see Frank's cousin Mister and his family. We don't know too many people over there anymore... and it is such a quick trip. We have opening day on Monday and we are heading out Tuesday the 13th. Didn't want to over do it or over spend. We do need to save for VEGAS!

I want to also say thank you to Patty. She is my part time bookkeeper that covers my days off. She is doing a great job stepping up. I don't have the follow through that I used to have... She is more than willing to work whenever needed. I wish I didn't have to stress so much about having 24 hours (for insurance) or I would probably take her up on her offer a lot more. Some days it is so hard to get through my day. And I only work about 5 hours a day. I have to catch myself or I will just stare off into space. Chemo brain really does exist! I sure hope my bosses don't read this or I may not have a job anymore ;) Anyways, Patty did a wonderful job of getting me a prayer quilt. She went to a couple of other stores that I have worked at and had so many people sign it! I LOVE it. I am waiting until I am hairless to take a picture of it (and me) and then I will post it. And if anyone wants to sign it that didn't get a chance, just let me know. I would love to fill it up. That was Patty's plan, but I think she was too excited to give it to me.

We are loving the meals that have been given to us. It is so nice to have yummy meals. And so often not something I would make. I had been craving tater tot casserole for some time and just hadn't gotten around to making it and then Jill in the deli brought it to us after my last Chemo. It was so yummy!

I took the kids to JC Penney today to have their Easter pictures taken. We went here for the first time for Christmas Pics before Irelynn was born. The lady asked for us to sign a release so they could display them. I felt so honored. So far they haven't used them but it still feels so nice to be asked. So today we were waiting our turn and Betty Ann (?) said it would be just a minute. I noticed they had been switching places as far as who is taking the pictures and I don't think we were supposed to have Betty Ann. So I said with a big old smile... "Are you going to take them" and she said "I can" and of course I said yes please! Not saying the other people aren't as good, she just really does a good job and had a lot more patience. So once again as I am picking which pictures I want to buy, Betty Ann came up to us and told the other lady... "we need her to sign a release" YIPPEE they asked again! So always keep your eye on the little fliers that they send out in the mail or put in the magazines or even hang in their stores. It could be Zander and/or Irelynn!

Well that is all for today. I am sure I will let you know how our weekend goes. Hopefully we will make it to Riverfront park on Saturday. We need to pick up and start using our season passes that we have already paid for.

Hello again to everyone. Thank you for keeping up with me. I love to go back and read all your comments. Some make me laugh, some make me smile, and some make me want to cry. My emotions are actually in check lately. Not too bad. Hooray for Frank! So I am still doing really well since my last Chemo and am anxiously (?????) awaiting this coming Wednesday to get #3 out of the way! Here is a not too great picture of me with my new Tinkerbell hat. I think Zander took this one. It's for the people that don't get to see me, which is probably the majority of you reading this. My hair is really coming out. I have been thinking about cutting it one more time, but don't know if it's worth it. I think in the next couple weeks I will be shaving it.

After doing all of my countdowns I thought "how sad is that!" and I told Frank I NEED something to look forward too. Just the end of Chemo isn't cutting it for me anymore. Soooooo... We are in the process of planning a trip to... VEGAS! We aren't going until October, but I am looking and looking and looking and pricing and pricing. A couple of my sisters and their families are coming with us and maybe a friend from work and her husband. We are going to go down for 4 days with everyone else and then we are going to stay a few extra days with my good friend Kim who lives there. And as much as Frank is trying to talk me out of it... OUR KIDS ARE GOING WITH US! Just not ready to part with them any time soon. Hopefully the medical bills won't get in the way of this trip. I am trying to get it going soon so we are "locked" in.

We also got tickets to opening day for the Mariners! This has been a big concern to me because I just don't know if I will feel up to going. Hopefully I will be okay. If not, Irelynn and I can hang out at the hotel and Frank and Zander can go without me. I just couldn't watch it go by without at least trying. We have gone every year since we got married and Zander and Irelynn have both been to every one since they were born. Well, Irelynn went last year and this will be her 2nd. It will be Zander's...4th.

So Irelynn has an appt tomorrow to get a new G-Tube. She won't be able to pull this one out like she does now. Which will be nice. I am going to push to see if they will re-do her fundoplication. With the Fundo, they take the upper part of the stomach and wrap it around the esophagus. She can no longer puke when she has this done. She had it done last May and it only lasted 4 months. I am hoping this time it will last longer. I worry about the acid coming up and how uncomfortable that is for her. I know over the last few weeks I have developed horrible heartburn and it sucks! I can only imaging how she feels. She hasn't gained any weight since her 12 month check up. Actually she did gain, but then she lost it again. The pediatrician isn't too concerned about the weight loss, because Irelynn is so mobile now and burning calories. I think though that her dietitian and her speech therapist are on board with us wanting to re-do the fundo.

Zander is doing well and had recovered from his ear infection and possible strep. He is happy to tell us "my ears don't hurt anymore!". He is wanting to get outside so much now. Hopefully over the next few weeks it will get even nicer than it already is.

So tomorrow is March 10th. March 10th in my family is similar to Christmas. At least it was when I was growing up. March 1oth marked the start of a countdown to my birthday. This year however... March 10th is the start of a countdown to my nephew's birthday. Why you ask??? Because if everything goes as planned my final Chemo will by on Tanner's 17th birthday. Much more fun to count down to Tanner's birthday than mine this year!

For those of you that don't know, my family has a way with birthdays. We like to share. So my niece Lindsey was born on my September 23rd which is also my mom's birthday. My sister Karin's kids are both born on January 20th, 5 years apart. I share my birthday with a couple of friends. My dad, Ben and Jennifer are all within a week of each other in May. Zander was born on my best friends birthday as well as my cousin Ronnie's who passed away when I was about 7. And March 10th is my 3 older sisters birthdays. Yep, tomorrow they will be 38 (Krista), 36 (Karin), and 34 (Kimberly). When I was six I actually traded Krista birthdays so I could share with Kimberly and Karin and so Krista could have her own. I even told my teacher that my birthday was March 10th.

So yes between tomorrow and June 4th (my birthday) there are 86 days. There are 24 days until mine and Frankie's 6th anniversary (April 3rd), and there are 32 days until Mariners opening day. And the most important one this year is... 133 days until my last Chemo! Probably another week after that until I will feel good again.

On to more important things... Today I got to take Irelynn to the Guild School for Occupational therapy rather than them coming to our home. Irelynn's OT is in a similar situation as I am. Not exact, but similar. We are even on a similar schedule for Chemo. Our immune systems are extremely weak and since Zander is sick, I took Irelynn in so I wouldn't infect our OT. It was such a nice experience and hopefully we will get to continue this for a while. I think we are going to do one therapy in home and one in center for a while. She did well today with both therapy's and is now sleeping because she is so tuckered out.

Zander is doing okay. I spent 2 1/2 hours at Urgent care with him yesterday. He has a double ear infection and possibly strep throat. You couldn't even tell today that he is sick. He missed school, but I think he will be fine to go tomorrow. They didn't actually do a strep test since he needed the meds anyways. Now I am questioning if he really had it. I don't think the meds would work that fast!

Feeling pretty good the last couple days and looking forward to another nice weekend. Thank you everyone for your continued thoughts and prayers.

My big boy playing in the yard on 3/5/2010. He turned his hat sideways by himself. I don't encourage that...

I can't believe how nice it is outside this weekend! We have spent ALOT of time out there. I do have to be careful because I can tell when I have overdone it. I think the last couple days since I have been feeling pretty good, I have over done it a little. I can honestly say, I wouldn't mind if the next 10 treatments were just like this one. I don't think I will be that lucky though. I have had a wonderful weekend with my family and we still have one day to go. I was able to take Zander outside on Friday. He got to jump on his trampoline and then we walked over to the park. Too many big kids for him though. He didn't mind at all when I told him it was time to go home. I had to get home to rest. It's only about a block to the park, but I need to be careful. When we got home he played some soccer out in the yard and I sat on the porch and watched him. He is my good boy.



Today was Frankie's turn. He took him out to jump on the trampoline and they played some baseball. Zander is our sports nut! He is going to be keeping us soooo busy as he gets older. That is okay with us though! I would rather he was busy playing sports because he wants to than be out getting in trouble because we didn't encourage him to do other things. Frank and Zander also went to the park to play today, but all Zander wanted to do was play baseball.



Irelynn is still our good girl. Not much to say about her. She has definitely learned the "if I cry, they will come" and she sure uses that to her advantage! She doesn't just whimper. SHE WAILS! And we get to her and she just gives us the biggest grin you could imagine! She is clapping so much now and lets you know that she wants to play. She also is learning Peek-A-Boo. We got her a walker so we could carry it out to the yard easily to play. She is learning to walk backwards. Hey isn't that how most kids start out?



My mom is staying with us. Not so much because I "needed" her, but it is working out well so far. It is nice to have her here so I can go downstairs and rest if needed. She is a big help.



I am thinking if I feel okay next Saturday we might take a day trip somewhere. Don't know where. I just want to get out of town for a while. Maybe down to Lewiston or over to Missoula. We will see I guess.



Sorry for not having an update everyday. I post on my facebook pretty much every day, but not too much detail. Just kind of letting people know how I am feeling.

The Isbelle family last 4th of July in Seaside, Oregon. Another "annual" trip that most likely won't happen this year :(

This treatment in some ways has been better and in some worse. The last one I was just fine the next day until I got that stupid shot. Then it was HORRIBLE but only for a few hours. This time, I have been sick to my stomach since I left the place yesterday. I didn't have the same reaction to the shot this time though. I still have some rough days ahead of me, but have learned some secrets to try and make it easier on me. And my family probably. I am trying so hard to keep the fluids coming but it is tough.

I had figured I caught the cold Zander had since my last treatment, but didn't realize to what extent I "caught" it to. I found out yesterday that I have Bronchitis. I actually didn't feel all that bad and was kind of shocked when she said that. So I am on a Z pack??? I don't really know what else to say.

The open house didn't go to well. Oh well. I heard today that they have extended the $8000 tax credit until June. The only way this benefits us is by bringing us a buyer. We haven't been here long enough for the 2nd part of the rebate to benefit us.

Once again, thank you to all for everything.

This is an old one of my Zander Mander. Just thought I would include it for old times. He was probably a few months old.
And here is one of my happy girl. This is what we see EVERY time we go in and get her from her bed.

Not going to post anything tonight. Just wanted to let everyone know I am heading to bed. I have my 2nd treatment tomorrow. I have to be there at 1:00. Frank is taking me on his lunch break and picking me up when he gets off. I am nervous and excited at the same time. I had such a horrible time after the last one, I am anxious to see if I react the same way. I am excited to be able to say I have 2 treatments behind me.

Thank you to all for your well wishes and prayers. We all appreciate everything.

Zander moved to the couch after falling asleep at the table. He was so tired from playing all day with Abby and Harrison.

Zander sleeping at the dining room table

Irelynn getting her 1st official haircut. She looks like a big girl :(

Happy Sunday everyone. We just finished a VERY YUMMY meal. And I even pre heated the oven and "made" it myself! Thank you!

On Friday I was having such a good day. After I took Irelynn to the eye doctor I picked up my friends 2 kids. Harrison is 3 and is Zander's best friend. They go to school together too. Abby is 5 and also has DS. This was my first time spending any amount of time on my own with another child with DS besides Irelynn. I think I did pretty good! She is such a sweet little girl. Zander was sooooo tired from not having a nap that he fell asleep at the dinner table! That is after he brought me his jammies and asked me to help him put them on.

We had a pretty good weekend. We worked out in the yard alot on Saturday. I think it looks pretty good. We also got more work done inside too. The open house is behind us. I need to call our realtor and see if anyone came.

On Saturday... we took Irelynn to get her 1st haircut! It's technically her 3rd but it's her 1st official one. When she was just a few weeks old she got a HORRIBLE intestinal infection and they had to shave part of her head to put a PICC line in. Then in August when she had heart surgery, the nurses cut her hair because it got so tangled in the back. I was a little angry with them for that one.

I am still feeling pretty good. I am very anxious for Wednesday. I am wondering if all my treatments are going to be like this last one, or if I was fighting off this cold and it made it worse. I am hoping that is the case!

Thank you EVERYONE!

The day we brought Irelynn home. Zander was sleepy and hiding in my coat. So not the best family picture. But there we are with our 3 babies.

I was going to try and start each new post with a new picture. Not necessarily a NEW picture, but new to a lot of you.

Well, I had permission yesterday to have a pity party. I did a lot better than I thought I would. Frank and I have had a "tough road" we are very happy but it seems like we have had a lot of road blocks. On New Years Eve we had a nice conversation with a friend of ours and I told Frank that I am pretty proud of us for making it through the past year. In the last year you figure, Irelynn was born having Down Syndrome which was not expected. But we handled it pretty well I thought. So then we learn that we can't bring our baby home from the hospital like all the other new parents, instead she gets to take a Med Star trip to another hospital where we get to visit her wearing gowns for the next 7 weeks. Finally talking them into letting us take her home at 7 weeks we bring her home to meet her 2 big brothers. Yep her 2 big brothers. We made it through the 7 weeks having 2 kids at home and 1 in the hospital. And fighting to try an keep our middle child. In this time we also learned that she would need to have major heart surgery. So we end up "giving up" on Eli, which was the hardest thing we have ever had to do and we think of him EVERY DAY. So March 20th we said goodbye to Eli for the last time. Things go well for a couple months we adjust to life with just 2 kids. At the end of June Frank comes home from work (we were getting ready to leave on vacation) and tells me that he got laid off. All righty then, can we do anymore? So we turn this into a positive and say he needs to be home anyways while Irelynn has and recovers from heart surgery (which at this time has not been scheduled). So Frank was a stay at home dad for a couple months and actually got called back to work on the day Irelynn was released from the hospital after having her heart surgery... Perfect timing.



I guess that is all we had until January 26th. Oh I guess back to the pity party part though. Yesterday was Eli's 2nd birthday. I thought I would be more emotional. It's been 11 months since we saw him last, since we heard his cute little laugh, saw his big blue eyes and adorable smile. We are doing okay, but there is seriously not a single day that goes by that we don't think of him. He will always be our baby boy too.



The past 2 days I have been visited by members of my Yokes family. Everyone has been so kind and giving. Thank you to everyone. Most recently it was the Indian Trail Yokes and our Home Office. I am AMAZED! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! I know... I work in a grocery store, and I hate to grocery shop. You guys have made my week! Among other things. I have a yummy meal in the oven and we are looking forward to a new meal!



I guess I could tell you too, that I felt pretty good today. Made it through my week of work. I actually was able to take a nap today! I have not been sleeping at night and haven't even been able to take naps either. Looking forward to raking the yard tomorrow or Saturday I hope.

The Isbelle family. February 20, 2009. 25 days post diagnosis and 2 haircuts later.

For those of you that haven't heard of the FINAL addition to our family...Gilbert is our new Pug. I guess if we have it our way Zoee and Gilbert will fall madly in love and maybe have a litter or two.

I don't think I will EVER get a picture of both kids looking. Even the professional pictures don't work out. Oh well. They are adorable looking at the camera or not!






My big boy. I can't believe he is 3 and 3 months! I know I shouldn't be counting the months, but he is still my baby and I could telling you he is 3 years and 84 days!



I wasn't going to post today since I did yesterday and really there isn't anything going on. But I wanted to post and say "WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY!" I worked this morning and then my mom and the kids and I went for a nice drive. When we got home I took Zander out to jump on his trampoline. We also played some soccer. He is going to be one KICK A** soccer player next year when we get him started! He even dribbles the ball! I also had a request for some pictures. So I am posting one of our family taken just a couple days ago. I have been wanting to get one taken before my hair falls out. However, was not planning on doing it on this day. So I don't look to great. Not that I or anyone ever thinks they look good in a photo.

Oh by the way. I feel GREAT today. Haven't even taken any Tylenol today! I sure hope I feel this good this weekend. I would love to get some yard work done on Saturday to help get ready for the open house! I am a little tired, but that goes along with not sleeping at night among other things.

Good day to everyone! For the first time in almost a week I can honestly say I feel ALMOST "typical". I don't like the work normal, I prefer typical. I still have a head ache, but it is just that a head ache. Not the feeling that my head is going to explode or that my head is stuck in a clamp.

Sleep has become a rare thing for me. Just as I doze off I wake myself up and my head has hurt so bad, that I am not able to fall back to sleep. Last night I went to bed at 6:00. I was up every 15 to 20 minutes until about 12:30 or 1:00. I finally fall asleep and my alarm goes off just before 4:00... AM.

I returned to work for the first time in almost a week today. It was also the first day since my first Chemo. I went in last Wednesday but it was only for a few hours and I had my helper there doing most of the work. I wasn't sure I was going to make it. I was told by 2 people that I was very pale. I could only stand for a few minutes and had to sit down and regroup. At about 8:30 or so I felt hungry for the first time in a week. I ate some bacon and eggs from the deli and treated myself to a mocha (that took me until 1:30 to drink). I kept it down and am actully feeling hungry again!

If you had asked me yesterday or even this morning how I was going to do this, I would have told you there is absolutely no way I can work through this. But I can. I CAN do it. It's going to be tough and I am going to have to accept the help that people are offering. This is very tough for me. I also need to stop feeling guilty about being a bad mom and wife. If I can beat this, they can beat dealing with me for the next several months. I know that we were blessed when Irelynn was born. Learning of her Down Syndrome. We have been told my many that we are blessed. Though I don't know if people know the true reason we are blessed. Yes we are blessed because we have the most beautiful baby girl (and son), but what would I do if she were a typical child? A one year old to chase after?!?!?!? Irelynn is not an easy child when it comes to a lot of things, but at the same time... She is SOOOOOO much easier than a typical child! And she is sooooo easy going. The next several months may not be as beneficial to her as we would like, but she will survive. And I am going to be better off when I beat this, than I have been her ENTIRE LIFE! We will catch up.

Zander is finally feeling better. A trip to the Doctor on Thursday showed he was all clear of infections. It was a virus and there is nothing they can do for him. When he was doing worse on Friday, I called back because I was concerned he was getting dehydrated. After hearing him in the background, the nurse said they needed to see him again. Luckily they didn't have any appts until 6:40 in the evening so we were able to go as a family. Well by that time, he had an ear infection. I think it is number 4 of his life. So he is on meds and is finally feeling better. He is in desperate need of a bath and I feel bad that he went to school today without one. Luckily he has great teachers that understand! Also when I got to school to pick him up, he wasn't in his classroom. I first my heart kind of sunk. I thought "am I so out of it that I didn't remember that someone else was picking him up" or "who the heck is picking him up!" But they didn't let me stress for long. They are transitioning him to the "big kid" class. Yep, my baby is a big boy. He got to play on the big kid toys and take a nap with the big kids. Sad sad day. It is a good thing. Over the past few weeks he has started to get into more trouble. I think since his buddy Harrison was moved to the big kid class, Zander has started to get bored. I will miss his teachers, but I am sure the new ones will be just as great. And it is still in the same building...

I am thankful to the people that came over on Saturday and helped get our garage cleaned out and to just visit with me. I am thankful to the people that have carried my work upstairs for me and offered to bring me my meals so I don't have to go up and down the stairs at work. I am thankful to the people that have offered to cook us meals to freeze and to buy us diapers. As hard as it is for me to accept it, I am trying my hardest. I think I have realized that it helps you all out as much as it helps me. And Frank too really.

I may not post again for a few days since I don't have another Chemo until next Wednesday. I am hoping to feel better to help Frank get the house ready for our Open House on Sunday.

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

This morning was pretty bad for me. I was in a lot of pain. For the most part it has mostly gone away. I tossed and turned all night again. My ears feel like they are going to explode, my mouth hurts horribly and my jaw. I had to get a shot on Tuesday that causes joint pain. I guess mine went to my jaw joint... :) I am feeling a little better this afternoon, I am very concerned about Zander. He won't eat or drink anything. He has another appt in a few hours. I am worried he is getting dehydrated. My friend is bringing me a shake from McDonald's and I asked Zander if he wanted fries and he said no, so I asked him if he wanted nuggets and he said no, so I asked him if he wanted a shake and he said no. For a kid to turn down McDonald's, must mean he's not feeling well.

Irelynn went to the doctor today too. Thank you to Frankie for taking her :) She is losing weight which also concerns me. She pukes up EVERYTHING. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of this soon! She is a happy little thing all things considered!

We are happy to have some friends and family come over tomorrow to help us get some stuff done around the house. Some days I feel like we should take the house off the market, but at the same time, I don't want to be "stuck" here when it comes time for the kids to start school. We are having an open house next weekend. Maybe it will bring in a buyer. Cross your fingers and toes!

I finally was able to make my blog look a little cuter. We will see if I change it again. Thank you again everyone for your thoughts and prayers and kindness. It means the world to me.

Good morning all. Or afternoon or evening. Whatever it is when you are reading this. It is morning for me. I didn't sleep to well. Tossed and turned all night. I am pretty weak today. Not feeling like doing much but I need to get Zander to the doctor. So I am pushing myself to do it.

Yesterday was a bad day for me. I went to work for a few hours and actually felt pretty good. When I got off work I had to go in for a shot. Not sure of the name of it yet. It starts with an N. So it was no big deal but driving home, I just didn't feel right. I got home and ended up getting sick. Then I had the worst stomach cramps I have ever had in my entire life. At least that is what I think they were. Nothing could help me. Frank called the Oncologist office and they had him bring me right in. They gave me fluids through my port as well as some nausea meds. Frank went back to work and called 4 hours later to see if he could come get me. I slept the entire time I was there. I felt so much better though.

I felt well enough to go to Jeff Dunham with Frank, but I really didn't enjoy it too much. I just couldn't get comfy and I was soooo tired. I ended up going out to the car about 15 minutes before it was over. I hope Frank at least enjoyed it a little. I kind of wish I had sent him with someone else. Oh well too late now.

So Zander has an appt in about an hour. I am hoping we can get him feeling better. I think it will be a pretty lazy afternoon in the Isbelle house. When we get home, I think it will be nap time for all 3 of us. He is such a good boy and I feel bad I couldn't take him to the doctor yesterday like I should have. There was just no way :(

Thank you everyone once again. Sorry,just not into typing right now. I can't believe how many times I have had to delete because I made a mistake. Must be a sign.

Wow! That kicked my butt! Boy am I tired. They gave me benadryl and it knocked me out. I have a bit of a headache and an upset stomach. Nothing major. Just counting down the hour until I can take more nausea meds then I think I will go to bed.

We got home from the place at about 2:30 and I just laid down on the couch and went to sleep. I slept or dozed through much of the treatment too. I am not sure I will be able to drive myself to and from them if I have to have benadryl every time. I have said the people at Evergreen are so kind. And I have to say it again. The Doctors actually came around and spoke to each and every person in the infusion room. I don't know that just means a lot to me. They know each and every one of us and it makes me feel cared for.

I am glad I had the port put in. It was not a big deal at all today. They just accessed it and drew blood so they could do my blood work, then they started pumping drugs into it. ONE POKE TODAY! NO IV! And I didn't really even feel the poke. I do have to go back in tomorrow afternoon to get a shot. I guess I had to get a shot of one of the meds today to make sure I wasn't allergic to it. So 2 pokes today.

I don't really know what to say tonight. So far so good. I am one treatment closer to being done... Irelynn is in a mood today. Wanting to be held and I feel so weak I am scared to hold her. Zander is sick. He is floating right around 100 for a temp. He just got up on the couch to hide from Frank and ended up falling asleep. My poor baby. If he is still running a fever tomorrow I will take him in. Or try to take him in. He has no symptoms except his asthma cough, so the only thing I can think of is an ear infection. He says his ears don't hurt though.

I think I am going to bed now. Thank you everyone for caring for me. I will try and post over the next few days to let you all know how I feel. They are saying this weekend will be rough so we will see.

Tomorrow is the day. I am not really very nervous. At least not yet. I am soooo happy that Frankie took the day off to go with me. I really didn't want to go to my first one by myself. I went and cut my hair shorter today. Still trying to prepare Zander, and really myself too. My incisions from my port are still driving me crazy. I took the little bandages off today because I couldn't stand them anymore. I put a band aid over one of them, but the other one seems to be doing okay. Still don't have much pain. At least not from the port. It's weird. You can't see it, but you can see where it pops up a bit under my skin. I really hope that this first one doesn't affect me a whole lot. That's what I have heard. I shouldn't have a hard time until the 2nd or 3rd treatment. I have started my anxiety/nausea meds as directed by LOTS of people. Well off to slumber land for me. Thank you once again to everyone. I will try and post tomorrow night to tell you all about it! I know you will all be on the edge of your seat until you hear about it!

Most of you are probably amazed at how my daughter is sleeping. This is not a usual thing or a good thing. In the last week or so she has started sitting herself up. She does the splits like this and pushes herself up. It is very bad for her hips. But it was cute and I had to take a picture.

What a day today! I started it out once again waking up before the sun was up, in pain. So I once again came upstairs for a potty break and some ibuprofen. Played on facebook a little and went back down to bed for an hour or so. I had to wake up early (again) on my day off because I had 4 appts today! All for myself! Usually it is 4 appts in one day for Irelynn. Since I had surgery yesterday I couldn't drive this morning so Frankie dropped me off at the eye doctor before he went to work. My appt there was at 8:00. I made plans for Karin to pick me up there at about 9:00. She made it in time to help me pick out new glasses! I should get them next week. I have been getting sick of these ones. It's been 2 years.

From there we went and got very much deserved mochas :) Then it was up to the Oncologists office for Chemo school. I wanted someone with me to help me remember everything and I know Frank is going to be asking for a lot of time off so I asked my sister to go with me. It was very informative and ALOT of questions were answered. A chemo cycle is every 28 days but a cycle consists of 2 treatments. One every other week. Which is what I expected but the scheduler lady had me all confused. I don't think she knew what she was talking about. She isn't the "normal scheduler". I was told that I can no longer take Ibuprfen or aspirin. This is going to SUCK. As Frank says, I eat Ibuprofen like it is candy. I think they are going to send me back to my primary to get better relief for my sciatica. They also gave me a script for a wig! That surprised me.

From there we went to Target and Shopko and I got myself 4 hats! It was pretty fun. Then we went to lunch.

At 2:00 I had a PFT test to check my lungs and at 2:45 I had an EKG to check my heart. Some of the meds I will be on CAN cause heart disease and something with the lungs. So they wanted to see how they were doing to see how long I could be on the meds. I do have lungs and I do have a heart. No matter what some people say.

I finally got home to my babies at about 4:30. What a long day. I am feeling pretty good today as far as emotions go. Where my port was placed is a little tender. I thought I was allergic to the iodine they put on me before surgery, but since I told them that yesterday and they didn't use it and I still broke out, we are leading towards me being allergic to the tagaderm (bandage) that was placed over the incisions.

Well, I am getting to the point where I just want to go to bed. My wonderful hubby should be home any minute now and I am looking forward to seeing him. I am so lucky to have him.

Happy Day to all. I think it is best for me to just always start out by saying Thank you to everyone. I may still be a tad bit loopy so this one might be fun! Just kidding. A little.

So I had the port put in today. They originally said I would be "Consciously sedated" but when I woke up she told me she put me all the way out because I was nervous. I don't recall being nervous. I was a little frustrated because they were pretty behind. So about the time I was expecting to get out of surgery I was just going in. I don't remember who originally told me about the port, but they said I would have a tube about 6 inches coming out of my chest. This was kind of a concern to me, having a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Especially with Irelynn. She likes pulling tubes out. Granted they are usually going into her tummy not mommy's chest. So the port is under my skin and as soon as it heals there will be 3 prongs that will "poke up" I can't really tell whats going on with it right now. I have only been home about an hour or so. I guess I will get my Chemo through it, but they will also be able to draw my blood from it! Yipee!

Things are strange for me. The first week or so after my diagnosis, I actually had more good days than bad. That has reversed. I have been very emotional. I think it is just becoming more real. Also how kind people have been really gets to me. I don't have any pain really. Pain in the neck on occasion that isn't Frank ;) And pain in my butt (sciatica) that isn't Zander ;) Just kidding my boys are not pains!

Chemo school is tomorrow and I am glad my sister is going. She will remember everything that we are told and I am sure she will ask all the right questions. Frank has taken Tuesday off to go to my first Chemo treatment with me. I will usually do them on Wednesday, but we have tickets to Jeff Dunham on Wednesday so I am hoping I will be feeling okay by the evening to still go. If not, Frank may have a nice date with my nephew Tanner. We had a nice double date planned with my friend Stephanie and her husband. We were going to go to Olive Garden for dinner and then go see Jeff Dunham. I told Stephanie that I don't think we will make it to dinner, but I am going to try my hardest. The doc said the first treatment may not affect me too bad.

What else is happening... Our realtor called yesterday. I asked her the rules on taking the house off the market, which Frank and I have NOT discussed and at this time are not planning on it. She said if we wanted to she wouldn't mind. And she didn't even know about the cancer. She wants to do an open house. So the 27th we will have our first open house. I think we are going to drop the price one or two thousand to see if we can get more people looking. It would be such a HUGE relief if we could just sell the house. Just to not have to worry about it. Granted then we have to worry about finding somewhere to live with our 2 dogs. I am surely not going to want to look at houses too much for a while.

Since Frank went back to work we have had a wonderful arrangement with a friend of mine as far as child care goes. She was watching Irelynn for us while we worked during the day and we would watch Logan in the evening while she worked. It was so nice just trading daycare and not having to worry about paying someone. Unfortunately, I just don't have the energy right now to have an extra baby and with all my appts we had to bale on our friend. This was soooo hard for me. A lot harder than I expected it to be. We have been watching Logan since September and she is a little part of our family as is Alycia. I am glad that she found someone she could trust and hopefully WHEN I beat this we can resume our arrangement.

I feel like there was so much more I wanted to say, but I just can't think of anything right now. Guess that means it's time to go.

Just a quick note tonight to fill everyone in. I am extremely tired and need to get to bed. So I was really looking forward to today's appointment. I thought it would answer a lot of questions, but I am just totally confused right now. I can tell you, I am stage 2a. The "a" means I have no symptoms. And then he added an "unfavorable" to the end. This means the cancer has spread and is in more than 3 areas. So my neck/collar bone on both sides, my chest (around my windpipe) and under my right arm. There is an 80% cure rate still and it won't change the treatment plan at all.

That is where my confusion is. I don't know when I will have Chemo. There is question as to weather it will be every other week or once a month.

I go in on Thursday to have a port put in my chest. This will remain there for the entire time I am battling this or 2 years. I will have a tube coming out of my chest about 6 inches. On Friday I go in for Chemo school. My sister Karin is going to go with me and drive me around all day :) since I can't drive for 24 hours after my surgery. Bring a book! I also have a couple other appts. An EKG and something else I think. I don't know, I just go where they tell me.

Sorry no "deep thoughts" tonight. I am having yet another rough day. I am just so tired of not knowing.

I will try and post again on Friday, when I might know something.

Thank you once again to EVERYONE!

How to start today... I think once again I need to start off by saying THANK YOU! I feel so loved by the outpouring of support I have received over the last 2 weeks. From meals left on our front porch (by Frank's parents) to cards and money (you know who you are). I keep thinking about buying thank you cards, but haven't done it yet. But I have THOUGHT about it and isn't it the thought that counts ;).

A lot has been going through my mind the last couple weeks. One thing that goes through it over and over again is that I am glad my kids are still young enough that they hopefully won't remember this. Zander knows that I have owies and I tried last night to explain to him that they aren't going to go away for a very long time. He is a good boy and I think he will be a big help even though he's only 3. I also went and cut my hair last week. Trying to prepare him for it possibly going away. I might go cut it shorter next week, but I want to wait and see what drug I will be on for chemo and do some research. Dr. Anthony said it may thin but I may not lose it all. I have issues with hair and if it starts coming out in clumps, I will have no choice but to shave my head. Hair grosses me out. And Kimberly (my sister), you don't need to shave your head. I won't hold you to it but I appreciate the offer. At this point I SAY that I will be okay with being bald. I think I am okay with it because I still have a full head of it. I honestly think it will be a day by day thing and the day I shave it if I have to will be very emotional. For the time being, I am having fun shopping for hats.

People have also been asking about how Frank is doing. By appearance he looks good. I asked him though this morning how he was doing and he said "if you are okay, I am okay". I know I have been blessed with a wonderful husband. I have been told by so many people that he is a good dad, which he is. I thank god every day for him. Sometimes I have to admit... He is a "normal husband" that I could do without ;). I worry that he will get stressed out from this extra burden. I don't think he will ever let me see it though.

I don't want to leave Irelynn out. She is really too young to remember this. She is a good girl too. Growing like a weed and as happy as can be :).

Today has been a rough day emotionally. I miss my mom like I never thought I could. But she is where she needs to be and I DON'T WANT YOU TO COME HOME FOR ME! I think knowing that she isn't 1.3 miles down the road or even a few hours away in the Tri-Cities makes it harder. I can't just get in the car this weekend and go see her. For multiple reasons. "I want to come see you, but we need time to get used to this! I will treasure the week you are home at the end of the month and again in April".

So the "big appointment" is tomorrow. I am very excited. You would think we were going to have our first ultrasound or something. I think it will just answer so many questions. And I need that right now.

I will try my hardest to post tomorrow to let you all know what Stage I am and what the next step is.

I also want people to know that as much as I am doing this blog for you all, I am doing it for myself at the same time. For some strange reason, I am thinking I might want to remember this "jouney" I am on. I also type things, that I don't know if I could ever say out loud.

Okay so like I said before, this is my first attempt at this and I don't really know what I am doing. So I am going to start off by just saying thank you everyone.

So I woke up this morning at about 6:30 with a HORRIBLE headache. I came upstairs thinking I would use the bathroom and take some aspirin and go back to sleep. Then I decided to feed Irelynn. We are in the process of getting her off her all night feeds. Since she pukes ALL THE TIME I played on facebook while she ate and did the dishes. At about 8 or so, I don't really know, I heard Zander calling to me from the basement. I went back down stairs and layed down with him. I guess I fell back to sleep and Frank let me! I slept until 12:19!

I have some pain in my neck today. This is the second time in a few weeks. I'm not real sure why it hurts. I thought it would go away when the lymph node was taken out. It may just be a coincidence, it may be the cancer. I think I will ask on Tuesday. We decided the entire family needed some "therapy" today. So we went down town to Macy's Clearance center. Gotta love that place!

Hoping (and pretty sure I won't have a problem) I will be able to go to sleep at a normal time tonight. Sorry not much to report today. Zander can spell his name though!

January 28th 2010~ I had my first appt with the Oncologist today. Dr. Anthony is a very nice man and is ready to get the ball rolling. He did a physical and we looked over my CT scan together. At this point he felt the cancer was only in the area of the removed lymph node. He said I would be a Stage I or possibly a stage II. He got me right in for another CT scan and a bone marrow biopsy.

January 29th 2010~ The people at Evergreen Hemotolgy and Oncology are all wonderful. As are my family and friends that know what is going on. Frank's dad babysat the kids on his own for the first time. And probably about the 3rd time watching Irelynn at all. I am not one to part with my kids. It is VERY rare for them to be with a babysitter unless we are working.

So I was lucky enough to get to drink some barium before this appt. YUM YUM :( I got to the office and they put an IV in me. I sat for quite some time and was finally taken in to have the CT scan done. I then returned to the infusion area and waited for my time to do the bone marrow biopsy. It seemed like forever! While I was waiting Dr. Anthony came in and spoke with me and said that from the looks of the CT scan it looked like my lymph nodes in my upper chest area are also an area of concern as well as the lymph node on the opposite side from the one that was removed. He said he would know more after my PET scan on Tuesday and we would go over everything at our follow up appt on the 9th.
Finally it was time to do the bone marrow biopsy. The procedure itself was not a problem at all. I was "consiously sedated". It was SOOOO painful for about 3 days afterwords! I think mostly because it was on my lower back, upper bottom so it was very painful to sit and sleep. Now we are back to the waiting game...

January 30th 2010~ I have been in a lot of pain today from the bone marrow biopsy. I called a very good friend of the family (Sheryl Sedra) both to let her know what was going on and to get some support. Her son who was like a little brother to me for years lost his very long fight with Leukemia about 10 1/2 years ago. I spent my 21st birthday at his funeral. My friend Arlie and her kids also came over to play which was very nice. I kicked Frank out of the house for a while.

Feb 2nd 2010~ Today I had a PET scan. I wasn't too "scared" about this test, at least not about having it done. Just figured it was like the CT scan. I got to Evergreen and walked myself back to the infusion room (3rd appt there and they know my name and let me pretend I own the place ;)). I assumed it was quick and easy so I didn't take a book to read or anything to do. I don't even have a cell phone to play games on. So they put my IV in and took some blood. I have had more IVs in the last few weeks than I have ever had in my life. After about 45 minutes they finally came and got me to do the PET scan. I should have done more research... They put something radioactive into my IV and said I had to wait 2 hours for it to all get into my body. I actually asked him if he was serious. I tried to take a little nap to pass the time and he offered me a book to read, but I couldn't get into it. It did help me to fall asleep for a bit though.

So finally its my turn to do the scan which takes about 45 minutes. I did a great job though! He even showed me the scan afterwords. We still have to wait until the 9th for the "official results" but the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes in my chest area as well as the other side of my neck. I think this still keeps me at a Stage II.

I believe I am looking at 6-8 months of Chemotherapy. There is a very high cure rate with this type of cancer, but it is still cancer, which scares me to death. There are some days that I can't even look at my kids without crying. Some days go by like nothing is wrong at all. I am glad to at least have an idea of why I have been so run down. It is kind of depressing, we had such a long winter last year and almost no summer.And then add Irelynn and her heart surgery and other 2 surgeries, I was really looking forward to this spring and summer. I pray that I will be well enough to go to our 6th annual opening day for the Mariners on April 12th. I will truely break my heart if I ruin this tradition for our family.

As of right now, this is what I know. I will update this as I learn more and occasionally just to let you know how my day is going.

I want to thank all of my family and friends that know what has been going on and have stepped up to the plate and offered support. It means the world to me.