How to start today... I think once again I need to start off by saying THANK YOU! I feel so loved by the outpouring of support I have received over the last 2 weeks. From meals left on our front porch (by Frank's parents) to cards and money (you know who you are). I keep thinking about buying thank you cards, but haven't done it yet. But I have THOUGHT about it and isn't it the thought that counts ;).

A lot has been going through my mind the last couple weeks. One thing that goes through it over and over again is that I am glad my kids are still young enough that they hopefully won't remember this. Zander knows that I have owies and I tried last night to explain to him that they aren't going to go away for a very long time. He is a good boy and I think he will be a big help even though he's only 3. I also went and cut my hair last week. Trying to prepare him for it possibly going away. I might go cut it shorter next week, but I want to wait and see what drug I will be on for chemo and do some research. Dr. Anthony said it may thin but I may not lose it all. I have issues with hair and if it starts coming out in clumps, I will have no choice but to shave my head. Hair grosses me out. And Kimberly (my sister), you don't need to shave your head. I won't hold you to it but I appreciate the offer. At this point I SAY that I will be okay with being bald. I think I am okay with it because I still have a full head of it. I honestly think it will be a day by day thing and the day I shave it if I have to will be very emotional. For the time being, I am having fun shopping for hats.

People have also been asking about how Frank is doing. By appearance he looks good. I asked him though this morning how he was doing and he said "if you are okay, I am okay". I know I have been blessed with a wonderful husband. I have been told by so many people that he is a good dad, which he is. I thank god every day for him. Sometimes I have to admit... He is a "normal husband" that I could do without ;). I worry that he will get stressed out from this extra burden. I don't think he will ever let me see it though.

I don't want to leave Irelynn out. She is really too young to remember this. She is a good girl too. Growing like a weed and as happy as can be :).

Today has been a rough day emotionally. I miss my mom like I never thought I could. But she is where she needs to be and I DON'T WANT YOU TO COME HOME FOR ME! I think knowing that she isn't 1.3 miles down the road or even a few hours away in the Tri-Cities makes it harder. I can't just get in the car this weekend and go see her. For multiple reasons. "I want to come see you, but we need time to get used to this! I will treasure the week you are home at the end of the month and again in April".

So the "big appointment" is tomorrow. I am very excited. You would think we were going to have our first ultrasound or something. I think it will just answer so many questions. And I need that right now.

I will try my hardest to post tomorrow to let you all know what Stage I am and what the next step is.

I also want people to know that as much as I am doing this blog for you all, I am doing it for myself at the same time. For some strange reason, I am thinking I might want to remember this "jouney" I am on. I also type things, that I don't know if I could ever say out loud.