Good day to everyone! For the first time in almost a week I can honestly say I feel ALMOST "typical". I don't like the work normal, I prefer typical. I still have a head ache, but it is just that a head ache. Not the feeling that my head is going to explode or that my head is stuck in a clamp.

Sleep has become a rare thing for me. Just as I doze off I wake myself up and my head has hurt so bad, that I am not able to fall back to sleep. Last night I went to bed at 6:00. I was up every 15 to 20 minutes until about 12:30 or 1:00. I finally fall asleep and my alarm goes off just before 4:00... AM.

I returned to work for the first time in almost a week today. It was also the first day since my first Chemo. I went in last Wednesday but it was only for a few hours and I had my helper there doing most of the work. I wasn't sure I was going to make it. I was told by 2 people that I was very pale. I could only stand for a few minutes and had to sit down and regroup. At about 8:30 or so I felt hungry for the first time in a week. I ate some bacon and eggs from the deli and treated myself to a mocha (that took me until 1:30 to drink). I kept it down and am actully feeling hungry again!

If you had asked me yesterday or even this morning how I was going to do this, I would have told you there is absolutely no way I can work through this. But I can. I CAN do it. It's going to be tough and I am going to have to accept the help that people are offering. This is very tough for me. I also need to stop feeling guilty about being a bad mom and wife. If I can beat this, they can beat dealing with me for the next several months. I know that we were blessed when Irelynn was born. Learning of her Down Syndrome. We have been told my many that we are blessed. Though I don't know if people know the true reason we are blessed. Yes we are blessed because we have the most beautiful baby girl (and son), but what would I do if she were a typical child? A one year old to chase after?!?!?!? Irelynn is not an easy child when it comes to a lot of things, but at the same time... She is SOOOOOO much easier than a typical child! And she is sooooo easy going. The next several months may not be as beneficial to her as we would like, but she will survive. And I am going to be better off when I beat this, than I have been her ENTIRE LIFE! We will catch up.

Zander is finally feeling better. A trip to the Doctor on Thursday showed he was all clear of infections. It was a virus and there is nothing they can do for him. When he was doing worse on Friday, I called back because I was concerned he was getting dehydrated. After hearing him in the background, the nurse said they needed to see him again. Luckily they didn't have any appts until 6:40 in the evening so we were able to go as a family. Well by that time, he had an ear infection. I think it is number 4 of his life. So he is on meds and is finally feeling better. He is in desperate need of a bath and I feel bad that he went to school today without one. Luckily he has great teachers that understand! Also when I got to school to pick him up, he wasn't in his classroom. I first my heart kind of sunk. I thought "am I so out of it that I didn't remember that someone else was picking him up" or "who the heck is picking him up!" But they didn't let me stress for long. They are transitioning him to the "big kid" class. Yep, my baby is a big boy. He got to play on the big kid toys and take a nap with the big kids. Sad sad day. It is a good thing. Over the past few weeks he has started to get into more trouble. I think since his buddy Harrison was moved to the big kid class, Zander has started to get bored. I will miss his teachers, but I am sure the new ones will be just as great. And it is still in the same building...

I am thankful to the people that came over on Saturday and helped get our garage cleaned out and to just visit with me. I am thankful to the people that have carried my work upstairs for me and offered to bring me my meals so I don't have to go up and down the stairs at work. I am thankful to the people that have offered to cook us meals to freeze and to buy us diapers. As hard as it is for me to accept it, I am trying my hardest. I think I have realized that it helps you all out as much as it helps me. And Frank too really.

I may not post again for a few days since I don't have another Chemo until next Wednesday. I am hoping to feel better to help Frank get the house ready for our Open House on Sunday.

THANK YOU EVERYONE!